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Lifetime Guarantees: Are They Really "Lifetime"? (Or Are They Just Marketing Scams?) Plus: Quick! Here's How To Get "W" To Send Grannie A Letter For Her 97th Birthday And: It's The Story About The Angry Woman Who Invented Mother's Day (And Why She's Ticked Off)
May 6, 2004
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Dear Ben: "Lifetime guarantee" or "guaranteed for life" is applied to so many products and or/services these days. What do they mean with those guarantees for your life? Whose life are the talking about? The "life of the product" and if so, who determines what that is? We’re constantly hearing this phrase, but how are we to know the true meaning of this?
Bruce T., Campbell, TX
Dear Bruce: First let’s engage in a little Doverlogic to illustrate my point about lifetime anythings. A quick "Google" search of the term "lifetime warranty" turned up 1.74 million page hits and the following Top 10 products (in order): Electronic meters and calibration equipment, computer memory modules, binoculars, wireless dog fences, computer gaming accessories, more computer memory chips/products, computer parts, "magnifying glasses" for computer monitors, a water purification system and more computer memory chips. (Do we see a trend yet?)
#1 Electronics dominate the list: Either because of design durability or cost-effectiveness of replacing a defective product.
#2 How often do you upgrade your computer? Often enough for the manufacturers of computer-related products to breath easier knowing you’ll probably get rid of your computer long before the parts they’ve sold you will need to be replaced.
#3 Where’s your receipt? Assuming you call their hand and request they step up to replace a computer part (for example), can you paper your trail? Uh-oh...no receipt, no warranty. "It says so in plain English, right there on the receipt! Oops...so sorry–you lost yours..."
#4 What’s your time worth? How much time and effort are you willing to spend to hold their feet to the fire? They know that if they make it difficult to enforce the warranty (or have warranty repair work done), you’ll simply roll over and go away, like rebates.
#5 "Engineered obsolescence" and "price-point disposability": Many electronic products are designed not to last much longer than their factory warranty. Frequently the cost to repair many products (TVs and VCRs come to mind) versus the cost of buying a brand new one insures the manufacturers has another shot at selling you something new in the near future.
Bottom line? If you’re about to spend a bunch of cash on anything (this would include getting married) do your research about the product, the company or the person making the offer. Look at their track record, do your homework and know your options if (or when) it comes time to collect on the warranty. (And don’t believe everything you read or hear.)
Dear Ben: My name is Kandi and I was wondering if I could just send an e-mail and get a letter from the president for my grandmother’s birthday. She’ll be 97 years old in May: Is it possible that you could send her a greeting from the president, or do I have to send a letter to the White House? Thank you so much...I know my grandmother would love a letter from the president as a gift for her birthday.
Kandi, via e-mail
Dear Kandi: You’d better get to work in a hurry for Granny’s letter! Unfortunately, e-mails don’t cut it when asking for birthday greetings or congratulatory letters from the president of the United States (or the governor of Texas). You’ve got to play by their rules and put it in writing the old-fashioned way. For all of the addresses and information required in Washington and Austin–as well as a list of who’s eligible to receive a letter–check out the special section on my website: www.bendover.com/congrats.asp.
Dose of Dover For The Week: This Sunday marks the 90th anniversary of Mother’s Day, officially signed into law by President Woodrow Wilson after a 9-year campaign by Anna Jarvis, a West Virginia woman who missed her recently deceased Mom and wanted to memorialize her life’s work. It started out innocent enough and with good intentions: Americans attended church and wrote letters to their Moms–but then it started to change–escalating into an annual greeting card-sending, gifts and flowers-giving commercialized ritual that apparently enraged its creator, who later confessed she regretted starting the tradition in the first place. On that note, if you’re looking for some last-minute, outta-the-box gift ideas for Mom, look no further than my spring gift picks: www.bendover.com/spring2004.asp.
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